Heart of Fear
by shinigami-lust
Summary: What is it that you fear? Hephaistion had asked and Alexander answered.


"What is it that you fear?"

Crackling torches filled the silence that stretched between them as Alexander let his eyes drift from Hephaistion's face and into the forbidden shadows of the night. Hephaistion's question had scorched him and left him feeling vulnerable under his companion's watchful gaze. Nothing ever escapes Hephaistion, Alexander thought to himself and for a moment wondered if his friend actually knew him better than he knew himself. It probably wasn't all that far from the truth either.

Hephaistion's heart warmed to Alexander's soft declarations of love, but even with his own vow of affection at the tip of his tongue, he forced himself to stop and take another long hard look at Alexander. "Alexander," he whispered softly, gently pressing a finger to Alexander's lips to silence him, "you're trying to change the subject."

Alexander stopped abruptly, unsure of what made him think in the first place that he could have evaded Hephaistion's question. Hephaistion was every bit as tenacious as Oxhead when it came right down to it. Staring at Hephaistion with unconcealed marvel, a faint grin slowly spread across his face until at last he broke into a soft chuckle. He captured Hephaistion's offending hand in his and pressed a soft kiss to the criticizing finger. "Hephaistion, good Hephaistion," he murmured quietly, "Only you would dare to challenge your king with such obstinate questions." Hephaistion's face flushed at the comment and he tried to withdraw his hand, however Alexander refused to let him go. "But you see, that's what makes you all the more precious to me. You know the secrets of my heart better than anyone else."

"Alexander…" Hephaistion started to apologize but Alexander held up a hand for silence.

"You asked a fair question," Alexander released Hephaistion's hand and turned his face into the night, leaning forward on his elbows against the balcony, "and I will answer it." His silhouette stood out sharply against the flickering torchlight and shadows danced across stern his face, making his expression nearly unreadable. Hephaistion followed his gaze to some distant pinprick of light set against the black horizon, and not for the first time in his life, he found himself floundering in the immensity that was Alexander.

"Look at how these Persians have welcomed us into Babylon," Alexander said quietly with a slight tilt of the head. He was listening to jovial laughs and cheers resonating from the streets below. "Just from the way that these people are celebrating, one might even begin to think that Darius had never existed." He let out a small breath. "Darius isn't even dead yet. He's still out there, Hephaistion, but to these people, he might as well as be dead. Dead, gone, and forgotten, just like all the great kings that have come before—Arses, Artaxerxes, and even Xerxes himself. In a few generations, what will be remembered of these men who had once ruled the mightiest empire known to man? Nothing, Hephaistion, absolutely nothing." Alexander paused and gave his companion a meaningful look. There was an expression of unmistakable grief etched across the bold features. "Names and nothing more—empty and insignificant."

Hephaistion knew. He had known all along, and yet, the reality of it all just seemed so much more terrifying coming from Alexander's own lips. In their youth, the countless hours they would spend pouring over Homer's words, as eager fingers traced across the rough parchment from one verse to the next, all of it was falling into place now. Alexander's zeal for glory and immortality was never lost upon Hephaistion, but until now, the source of that hunger had never been set forth in such startling clarity. But Alexander wasn't done just yet.

"I want to be more than that. I want to be the one thing that all these great kings weren't able to be, and I can do it. I know it. The Gods have blessed us in this endeavor. These people need change, Hephaistion," Alexander had started up again with a renewed passion coloring his speech, "and we can give them all of that. I know we can. Can you imagine the world that we can create if we can bring all these lands and their quibbling factions together, under one rule, and one common purpose? In doing so, all of this can become greater than what it is now. But more than that, there will be peace. Peace beyond what they have ever known and have ever dared to dream about. And we will bring it to them."

"And they will remember you for it," Hephaistion finished off.

"Perhaps," Alexander was quiet was he turned to face Hephaistion, "but I can't do it alone. I need you here, beside me, always."

Alexander smiled but shook his head firmly, "No, Hephaistion, _us_." Alexander pressed a cool hand against Hephaistion's chest and felt the strong and steady beat of his heart. "They must have us both or none."

Hephaistion clasped that hand within his and shook his head gently, "Don't make promises that I cannot rightfully expect you to keep." A rueful smile played on his lips. "By the Gods, Alexander, I know you want this world badly enough. You will have it bowing at your feet and generations after generations will remember you for what you have done. And I? I would follow you to the end of the earth and back, and you know it well."

Alexander shifted away and was quiet for a moment. "You make me miserable," he laughed.

"Why?"

"I'm sure you know the answer to that question as well, my good and generous Hephaistion, the keeper of all my secrets. You know me much too well."


End file.
